League Two Survival Guide

"Faith is a passionate intuition" William Wordsworth

How does one stay in the Football League? How does one perform in league two? I've prepared what I consider to be a definitive list to performing well in League Two.

• Get good gates. There's a definitive link in League Two with regards to attendances and League performance. If your not getting the peeps through the door, then where is the inspiration to perform brilliantly.
• Know the loan system. Just look at Hereford, they aren't exactly rich, but thanks to Graham Turner's knowledge of the loan scene in the UK the Bulls have exceeded expectations, albeit controversially.
• Have a physical presence. Players like Trevor Benjamin, Micah Hyde and Sean O' Hanlon have terrorized teams everywhere and seen their teams get promoted.
• Travel well. Teams need to prepare for away days with extreme care. Again this season home form has been pretty consistent league-wide, whereas performance away from home has been the difference maker. Milton Keynes have equalled the record for away wins in fact.
• Passion. The most important factor. If your teams got no passion to perform, like some of the lower table teams this season, then it's just not going to happen for you.

I've also taken the time out to pick my league two team of the season!

1. GK- Willy Gueret. Big Willy has been in tremendous form this season, and his pure physical presence and the confidence he builds from the back of the Milton Keynes Dons team has been simply terrific. A great shot-stopper,  Gueret has been terrific at saving penalties this term among his other achievements. (Honorable mention: Joe Lewis, Frank Fielding.)
2. RB- Trent McLenahan. The aussie full-back has begun to finally show the mature play he promised in the youth set-up at West Ham United. A member of the Hereford United squad not on loan from another club, Trent will surely be looking forward to another crack at League One with The Bulls.
3. LB- Dean Lewington.  In this lower league fans eyes, Lewington was the only option. A very reliable defender, Lewington has perhaps held back from his attacking instincts of previous seasons, the end result being a tight-ship at the back for MK Dons. Players like Craig Mackail-Smith and Andy Robinson have found "Deano" a terror.
4. CB- Danny Swailes. After spending last season at lowly Macclesfield under Paul Ince, Swailes followed Ince down the M1 to Milton Keynes. A rock at the back for The Dons, Swailes has been a permanent figure in their title-winning season. Swailes has contributed a fair few goals this season too.
5. CB- Craig Morgan. The Welshman has contributed heavily to Peterborough's promotion this season. Posh leaked a ridiculous amount of goals last season, but Morgan has gained a new sense of positional play and controlled his temperament more successfully and gotten himself on the international scene too.
6. RM- Jamie Ward. An awkward, awkward player to face. Ward has made many a defenders' miserable. After being shifted onto the wings for a large part of the season, Ward was crucial in keeping Chesterfield in play-off contention.
7. LM- Lloyd Dyer. Simply incredible, probably my player of the season. Lloyd Dyer is absolutely frightening. His pace alone gives defender's nightmares, and his finishing and versatility have made him a talisman for MK Dons double winning season.
8. CM- Keith Andrews. Winner of the League Two player of the year, he is the heartbeat of the Milton Keynes team. Added a new trick to his book by banging the goals in, and dictates the tempo in every game they play. A vital part of both defensive and offensive play, Captain Shamrock is simply incredible.
9. CM- Micah Hyde. Gone about his business quietly, but been crucial for Peterborough. An absolutely scary presence in midfield, Hyde is a huge part of the reason Posh have scored the most goals in the whole of the football league. Used his experience brilliantly and expect him to play a part in League One next year.
10. CF- Aaron McLean. What can I say? Incredible. The amount of goals he scores is insane, no defender seems to be able to stop him, his pace is extreme and McLean may be pint-sized but he can head a ball as good as any player I've seen. No doubt he serves a place in this list.
11. CF- Andy Bishop. Has today handed in a transfer request to Bury boss Alan Knill, but no surprise as to why, he is simply to good for this level. Had he been playing for Peterborough, he could have scored thirty this term. Bishop is quite simple unstoppable when on song, but still beater than most when he isn't. Expect to see him in the Championship next season.

It speaks volumes that both the PFA list and my list are stocked in abundance with MK Dons and Peterborough Players. That is to say, quite simply, that they have dominated the League this year. I reckon they will perform well in League One next year. They'll need to as well, it's looking as though it will be darn tough in there next season. 

Today's top five, wrestlers!

1. Triple H. He really is the King of Kings.
2. The Undertaker. What a gimmick. Gotta love him.
3. Kurt Angle. Can Suplex all day.
4. Randy Orton. Technically, I rate him highly.
5. Rey Mysterio. I swear this kid can fly!

147 and 1201

"At the end of my career I’ll be able to look back and say I’ve entertained a lot of people." Ronnie O' Sullivan

I've gotten quite into the snooker this last week. Amidst conversations my friends were having that Mark Selby was a great call to win the 888.com World Snooker Championships, I couldn't even bring myself to bother taking part. Now I'm getting texts from a mate, ironically called Shaun Murphy just like the World Snooker number one, telling me that "Rocket Ronnie has gotten a 147."

I immediately flick to the snooker. It was tremendous. Beautiful in fact. I wouldn't normally post a link in my blog but this is quite simply brilliant. The spin he gets on the cue ball is out of this world.

It's been a transformation. I can't stop watching this game! A battle of two minds. The technique is quite simply awesome. I'd give my right arm to have half these players ability. If you're not into snooker I'd give this tournament a cheeky watch, it has been extremely rewarding for me.

It's a shame then, that Cue World in Southampton has been empty whenever I have gone in it. I can but hope there is a future for snooker in this country. I've seen a couple of documentaries about the game being a revelation in the far east in recent years, and I even read a news story on the web last week about the possibility of moving the tournament away from The Crucible. Sad state of affairs I guess.

The time as I'm writing now is five to eleven. Only an hour until Grand Theft Auto 4 comes out. Which leaves me with a little bit of a dilemma. Whilst I can't stand the Premiership on the whole, the Champions League has always charmed me. I think it's a culmination of the brilliant opening music, the tasty continental football and the lure that the big four take their opponents seriously.

So tomorrow night, what am I to do? I'm ever so worried that GTA 4 will keep me away from watching my beloved Barcelona. Ever since I went to their game against RCD Mallorca towards the climax of last season I've looked out for their result veciforously.

I can only hope I'm given an offer I can't refuse with regards to watching the game when quarter to eight hits. Hopefully confirmation that Rooney is out will do the trick. (No I don't dislkike "Roonaldo", I just think this particular game will be more interesting without him.)

Anyway, here's to Rocket Ronnie winning the title at the crucible.

Today's top five, Tinpot clubs. (Which isn't an insult!):

1. Barnet. Love 'em, but Underhill is a hole. Absolutely chuffed they are in the top half of League Two
2. Macclesfield Town. The silkmen get some ridiculous attendances. Though to be fair to the Macc Lads, their season hasn't been helped by the fact a certain Mr Ince seems to be on a mission to sign all their players.
3. Dagenham and Redbridge. Whilst some people have no patience with "The Daggers" ridiculous attendences, I went to Victoria Road earlier this season and found the togetherness of the workers at the club, obviously all volunteers, extremely charming. Glad they secured League Status against Darlo at the weekend.
4. Accrington Stanley. Their pitch at the Crown Ground is a joke, and I have no sympathy for them. Their attendance last season for a crucial relegation clash against Torquay, where it was free entry, was a mere couple of thousand.
5. Grimsby Town. Your ground isn't even in Grimsby guys!

Handbags at Dawn!

"There have been a few players described as the new George Best over the years, but this is the first time it's been a compliment to me." George Best.

I feel the need to start today's blog finishing off what I started at the end of my post last night! Manchester United. A great club with a great tradition. That occasionally get too big for their boots. I don't see why certain parties have been so offended by me calling them "Divas" over the Glazer fueled unrest and other fiascos!

I do feel, though, that perhaps I was a touch unfair. I won't so much retract it as state that I think the "We're bigger than you" syndrome is a disease that has infected the whole of the top four now.

I've covered United, so I'll hit Chelsea. Complaining about playing three games a week springs to the recent memory cortex in my jumbled mind. I would probably have fought back with a few questions at the time. Firstly, how much revenue did you make from those games? Secondly, did you see Torquay's complaint about a similar workout? (No, thats because it didn't happen.)

Arsenal, and Wenger. Eduardo's injury was horrific and I wish him a speedy recovery, but Wenger's reaction was wildly OTT. Lambasting Martin Taylor who clearly had been a tad clumsy. An inch to the left or the right would surely have saved the Croatian sharpshooter's ankle. My question to "Le Proffeseur" would simply have been to ask him if he caught his skipper William Gallas kicking Nani like a petty schoolboy in the Arsenal-United cup clash the week before.

Liverpool. Probably Britain's most glorified club, and deservedly so. A damn fine tradition. Why was it though, that Javier Mascherano was allowed to play for them after already representing two clubs that year. Why was Liverpool's appeal for him to be eligible accepted when at the same time AFC Wimbledon were deducted eighteen points for fielding Jermaine Darlington under similar shady circumstances?

Who's to blame for all these occurences? I genuinely don't believe the clubs in question are to blame too much. I think the F.A is giving too many allowances to the big four.

Today's top five...Ridiculous Quotes

-5. "Where do you get an experienced player like him with a left foot and a head?" Bobby Robson

-4. "Not only has he shown Junior Lewis the red card, but he's sent him off." Chris Kamara

-3. "Michael Owen isn't the tallest of lads, but his height more than makes up for that." Mark Lawrenson

-2. "I was in Moldova airport and I went into the duty-free shop - and there wasn't a duty-free shop." Andy Gray

-1. "Argentina are the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that." Kevin Keegan

Late April Ups and Downs

"April is a promise that May is bound to keep." Hal Borland.

...and April has been a month plentiful in promises of promotions and relegations in the lower leagues, that will come into play the weekend of the 3rd May.

My hometown club, controversial Milton Keynes Dons, have clinched promotion to League One. A 3-2 victory at Edgely Park over an in-form Stockport sealed it, and victory away at Bradford gave them the title. I've fallen in love with the club over the last few years. The determination to succeed and make professional football happen in Milton Keynes, my town. I was there when the club only had 50 fans in the away end at Yeovil and Swansea, and I've listened to all the jibes about Franchising.

MK Dons deserve this success. It's a double in fact, after The Dons won the Johnstone's Paint Trophy at Wembley in March. A fantastic season. The club is on the way up and within ten years I fully expect them to be in the top end of the championship at least. Words truly cannot describe the pride I'm experiencing now. It's working. That said, I cannot help but feel for the fans left behind in South London. Here's hoping that AFC Wimbledon can gain league status and fill the void left behind by the Wimbledon saga.

Second place in League Two has gone to Peterborough United, who have also sealed promotion, and the Posh haven't exactly done it quietly either. Overseas property tycoon Darragh MacAnthony's funding has propelled them to the top three of League Two. Through the fact that his company sponsors the club (and he can plough his funding into the club via that avenue), their turnover is classed as a ridiculously large amount and they can avoid the League Two wage cap coming into play.

They've splashed ridiculously large amounts on players like George Boyd and Aaron McLean from the non-league scene. Fair play to them though, they look set to make several more times from selling these players than they spent buying them, and they've helped smaller clubs out with a bit of cash in the process. The approach has worked though. McLean is top scorer in the league and Posh have been a scary attacking force.

The third automatic spot has gone to Hereford United. I love it and hate it at the same time. At the end of the day, their attendances has been poor throughout. That said, at the same time, they've managed the club superbly, to win promotion on a shoestring budget amongst the company of Milton Keynes, Posh and Darlington to name but a few speak volumes. Teams that average several thousands week in week out like Bradford City have had indifferent seasons in comparison.

Some may dub Hereford as "Championship Loan Rangers" but when push comes to shove, if a team doesn't have funds and struggles to break a couple of thousand fans then they need to get a decent player staff somehow. Full marks to Graham Turner.

League One is the destination these three teams. Come may, their fellow teams will be decided. Colchester and Scunthorpe will be there, and look set to be joined by one of either Southampton, Sheffield Wednesday or Leicester. Whilst "Col U" and "Scunny" may be at a fair level the team that goes down with them will be at a ridiculous level considering their fanbase.

Congratulations to Milton Keynes Dons, Peterborough and Hereford United on their respective seasons. League One will be a more interesting place next season with these teams in it. I for one can't wait.

My top five for today is...

Top five Premiership divas.

5- Aliaksandr Hleb

Absolutely horrendous behavior against Reading two weeks ago. Seemed to think he was above Reading's Greame Murty. Had an unbearable look of arrogance as he wound Murty up.

4- Didier Drogba

I like Drogba, he's a talent. However his attitude against Tottenham in the league cup, and his actions when he clashed with Michael Ballack yesterday were absolutely shocking.

3- Robbie Keane

Again, I like him, he a bit of a talisman for Spurs, but boy does he act like a ponce on the pitch. Falling over like he has legs made of paper.

2- Ashley Cole

I have no sympathy whatsoever for a player that can be bought out by the highest bidder and show no loyalty.

1- Manchester United. In General.

"We don't want Malcolm Glazer, we won't renew our season tickets."

...2 years later...

"We won the league! We won the league! United 'til I die!"

(Don't get me started on the fans that have never seen them play.)